why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
