tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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