Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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