Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
