you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
