i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
