Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
