So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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