how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
