im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
