You're completely useless in the revolution.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
