mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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