We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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