so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
