All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
