WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
