a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
