In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
