remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
