I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
