somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
