3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
