Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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