dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
