What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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