mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
