we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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