I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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