if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
