had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
