does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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