i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
