Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
