She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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