don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
