well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
