You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
