I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
