I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
