I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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