A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
