Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
