Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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