I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
