Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
