ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
