I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
