someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
