garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
