wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
