SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
