hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
