Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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