i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
this hospital has no fireball
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
