i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
