I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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