i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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